Following Danny’s descent into drug addiction, Danny’s addiction grows to the point where he realizes he needs help. Danny soon learns that not recovery is not easy and not all recovery programs are created equal.
I had went to a couple of various programs to try and get clean but for various reasons it never worked. There were times when I simply wasn’t ready to begin true recovery or felt like I was being forced into a program. Some drug and alcohol treatment programs were like a crash course to get you sober but gave little advice on how to stay clean once you were out of the program. I remember one time I was half way through a 28 day program. I came up with some excuse, citing some family emergency to get a temporary leave. My friend came and picked me up. A five minute drive away from the rehab center and I was smoking pot again. I remember at that time telling myself I would just be a regular party kid and only drink and maybe smoke on weekends. That lasted about 2 or 3 days before I was back smoking crack again.
The Drug Slide Continues
Eventually, I got tired of crack because the high was so short and I just didn’t like the way I felt. I began using heroin and crystal methamphetamine and stopped doing crack. At that time I remember thinking how strong I was to be able to stop using crack while in reality I just swapped crack for some other drug. While crack was a short euphoric type high, the meth high lasted far longer and was more affordable. While doing crack you were useless, but with meth you had energy and in some strange way be semi-productive, or at least “think” you were being productive and maintain your supply and your high more economically. And at that point I started dealing methamphetamine. I would still cook crack and sell crack here and there but was dealing and using meth predominately.
Selling Meth-An Insane New World
Selling Methamphetamine was pure insanity. Meth users are by nature skittish and unpredictable. You were dealing with all sorts of bizarre people with weird nervous ticks and strange behavior. It was a level of dealing that was just insane to start with and with me doing both meth and heroin it magnified an already crazy situation.
Realizations of Recovery
I tried a few sober living facilities here and there but it never failed I would go out drinking one night or break a house rule and the next morning someone from the facility would wake me up and throw me out. This happened more than a couple of times. I was really trying to clean up and in my heart new I needed a change in my life and rehab for crystal meth and every other substance I was abusing. I really was simply begging to lead a normal life. I was not sure how I was going to get clean and at times thought maybe I was simply born to be a drug addict. All sorts of thoughts go through your mind when trying to get clean. Part of that is the detoxing, part of that is simply experience sobriety, and the rest of that is nothing but pure fear.
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