Click here for part 1 of Voices of Recovery: Drug Addiction Relapse is never Permanent.
At this time in my life I was still doing acid and mushrooms, but it was probably still just once a month give or take. they were part of the drug use progression but even then it wasn’t like I had a full blown drug addiction. My friends and I would brew some tea and drink a few cups and once we got to where we felt the effects we would walk around the neighborhood and to the local park. At that point in my use, it was a lot of fun and we had some good times. Those memories of drug use are far different than when I started getting into cocaine and meth.
Was there some personal or family issue that led to your use of drugs?
Once again, I have a really different story because my family life was fairly normal and I had no issues or drama or anything else that would drive me to abuse drugs. I had no type of problem I was hiding from or escaping from and even then was still not using daily or drinking daily, it evolved into that later, but at that time it was just what was going on. A few year later after that I really got into attending raves and popping ecstasy, and that was probably the biggest catalyst.
How did it go from using once a month to a daily heavy use of ecstasy?
There was a local club and that was pretty popular known as “magic Wednesday” that was playing
techno music. After the club closed we would go back to someones apartment and smoke weed and maybe take special K if it happened to be around. There was a fairly large group of people in that crowd and that just became the regular thing to do on Wednesdays, and that was really when my drug use began to become more and more.
Were you still drinking as well?
Its funny in that drinking was never really my thing, I would go out and have beers here and there like others but alcohol never really became an addiction like the drugs did. I am not sure why, but booze was never an issue for me and I never craved it or jonesed for it.
Not too long after that though I went through a break up, I had a girlfriend I had been dating for some time. She was my first love and while she was never into the drug scene she did like to drink, and at that time we were going out to bars and I was drinking, but I never really got the same buzz or pull that I enjoyed like I did with drugs. The alcohol at the bars really stemmed from it just being something we could do together and somewhat enjoy together. Later, when we broke after 2 or 3 years of dating it hit me really hard and at that point I started using cocaine.
Were you using cocaine before the break up?
I had done it here and there but for the most part it was just one of those things that was around from time to time but I could take it or leave it.
But the very first time you used cocaine what was your experience?
That was legitimately the first experience I had where I immediately thought it was the greatest feeling ever. I remember thinking “Why had I not tried this before.” And as someone who is pretty good with conversation and has a pretty good sense of humor, I just remember feeling like Robin Williams where I could just roll of joke and joke and have a room on the floor laughing. It was like an amazing experience across the board because it met my needs socially and sexually. But after that sort of honeymoon period with the drugs, my circle of friends and associates began to get lower and lower, where eventually I found myself hanging out with a bunch of misfits, addicts, thieves and dirtbags.
Part 3 in this series coming soon.