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With all the media attention surrounding what is now being called Molly, one thing has been particularly gnawing at me. I will freely admit, I was an equal-opportunity drug user throughout my entire addict/alcoholic career. Whatever you had, I would use and/or buy. I made it a personal policy to never ask questions.

About 13 or 14 years ago, a friend of mine who was both very into the EDM scene and very enthusiastic about chemical recreation suggested a group of our friends should try ecstasy. It should come as no surprise that I was quite onboard.

When he met us at my friend’s house, he gave the obligatory preemptive “pep talk.” From most people, this was little more than a marketing ploy designed to make first-timers think that what they were getting was the best-of-the-best out there, which was rarely true. This time was one of those rare exceptions.

I remember him, Clarke, saying, “Okay guys, just a heads-up: this stuff is by far the heaviest I’ve ever done. If you have doubts, take half. You will feel it—big time—even if you take a quarter of it. This stuff is basically pure MDMA.” Of course, no one took half—let alone a quarter. About 45 minutes later, I had one of the most intense drug-fueled experiences in my using career. No one could have been reasonably prepared for that.

I had always heard that the first time someone used the stuff was always the most intense it would ever get, but this seemed…I don’t know. There was no such thing as “excessive” back then, but I guess that is about as close as I could describe it.

I tried to find that same high for years after, but nothing ever came close. If anything, using ecstasy was the least ecstatic experience because it never met that same benchmark. Sure, I felt pretty good each time, but the difference between “normal” ecstasy and so-called Molly was a different animal entirely, it seemed. It was one of two times where I wondered if there really was a thing as “too much of [what I thought was] a good thing.”

It did something else, too, though. After that experience, I always questioned what it was I was taking. Not out loud, of course, and it never stopped me from taking it, but I did wonder what I was taking. What else had I taken under the guise of some other, better known concoction?

It should also be noted that it was one of the handful of times where I had a genuine concern about my general well being throughout the experience. “This can’t last forever, can it? What if I don’t come back from this one?” Really, it did take me about a week and a half before I started feeling even remotely like I did before, and let’s face it, that wasn’t terribly functional to begin with.

Flash-forward to today, and now it seems like this newly dubbed Molly is all the rage. It is the new zeitgeist. If it is anything like the stuff I took back in the late 90’s or early 00’s, then I completely understand why so many people are concerned. I did not appreciate what a bullet I had dodged by not having a consistent source, because my dates with Molly otherwise would have become the most dysfunctional relationship I ever had, and that is saying a lot.

Have you ever taken anything that you were unprepared for? What happened? Let us know in the comments section!

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